Irony Comes In Many Species
by Glue Stick Gary
Summary: A Hemophobic vampire. A green alien bent on world domination and an amateur paranormal investigator trying to expose it all. Mixed them together and what do you get? Chaos. Contains an OC. Possible pairings later.


**Author's Note: **Hey everyone! My name is Glue Stick Gary! I recently fell deeply in love with Invader Zim and all its characters and story plots. To celebrate my new found fandom, here is a fanfiction! This is simply for pleasure and to improve my writing skills.

Please review after you read! I would appreciate it deeply if you guys did! Oh, and constructive criticism is welcome.

It contains an OC yes, and she's a vampire. In my fanfiction, vampires are quite different then the normal ones you read about. You will discover this once I get into depth on the OC's origins and background.

This is for all you Invader Zim fans! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Invader Zim. Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez and possibly Nickelodeon.

**Word Count: **1, 415.

**Characters: **Zim, Dib, Ms. Bitters, Lexie, class children.

**Summary: **A Hemophobic vampire. A green alien bent on world domination and an amateur paranormal investigator trying to expose it all. Mixed them together and what do you get? Chaos.Contains an OC. Possible pairings later.

* * *

**Shame**

Uncontrollable shame that exceeds normal limits known to a legendary being such as Lexie. What was the point of living if a sentient creature cannot carry out its main life's functions?

What is a fish that cannot swim and live a fishy life under water?

What is a spider that cannot spin a web?

But Lexie didn't care at all for those stupid spiders and the smelly fishes. The abundance of her attention was focused on herself, and recently being banished from the Underground Vampire's Society.

For…what was the role of a vampire if she was deathly frightened of blood?

The leaders saw her as a useless body; casting her aside like an old undesirable child's toy. The only way to be accepted into the U.V.S again was to confront and completely dominate her Hemophobia.

Lexie had to overcome her irrational fear by living in a world full of dumb, primitive and highly clueless creatures. Each individually filled with approximately six liters of blood.

Six liters times the population of the Earth.

Six liters times 6,602,224,175.

If Lexie's cold stilled heart was still beating healthily in her chest, it would had hammered so hard it would have shot out of her chest and hit someone in the eye…

**The Horror!**

**XxXx**

Curse the day the Earth was ever created! It is a filthy excuse of a planet that harbors life to so many filthy worm babies…

Curse Dib for turning his latest grand scheme of world domination into a pitiful joke shared by all nasty human society…

Zim hated rainy days; it reminded him of how much he loathed all humans with the heated passion worthy of the scorching hot molten lava housed deep within the crust of the Earth.

Last but not least…

Zim hated Mondays too.

Zim hopped into _his _desk and then casted a disdainful sneer in Dib's direction. From across the classroom his enemy didn't fall into daily routine of delivering Dib's very own heated glare. He was simply staring out the window with a confused yet very thoughtful expression. As if he was thinking a thousand thoughts a minute and soon coming upon a conclusion that explained it all in black and white.

Zim converted his glare from Dib onto the object of the stupid earth germ's subject of attention. His eyes fixated onto a fluttering black blotch of fur and wings.

Zim sneered in disgust. Another revolting earth creature! This one wet, stinky, and…and…flying!

"Look! There's a bat out the window!"

Guess Dib wasn't the only nauseating human who spotted the bat.

Like a swarm of mindlessly stupid and disorganized bees, the children flung themselves to the window next to Dib. It seemed like everyone was pressed up against the window, and slowly the glass started to fog over by everyone unceremoniously exhaling on it.

Dib backed away cautiously before he was caught up in the madness. Why was everyone so worked and excited about a bat?

No, a better question would be: Why was a bat doing in a place like this?

His unusually large head starting pulling up explanations to accommodate his question.

Observation Number One: It was still light out; bat's normally feed at night.

Observation Number Two: It was raining.

Observation Number Three: Why did it have glowing eyes?

Answer: Not a normal bat!

Dib's eyes expanded and his heart skipped, hopped and jumped five feet upwards behind his ribs.

Sensing something brewing in that big head of his, Zim narrowed his eyes at Dib.

"What is it, **Dib**?" Zim spat out the word as if it was venomous. "Afraid of the little disgusting earth organism?"

Fixating his eyes onto the alien in horrible disguise, he frowned. "NO, I'm not afraid of the bat, **Zim**."

"_Haha! It looks like its dancing!" _

Dib and Zim glanced back at the cluster of dimwitted class children and beyond the window. By the irrational fluttering and abrupt changes in directions, any person with a normal intelligence could have easily come up with the common conclusion that the bat was highly distraught.

"Why is it flying like that?" Dib asked himself, suddenly incredulous.

In its clear display of distress, the bat finally decided to depart and vanished beyond the vision of the children. Zim glanced up at the clock, suspended above the chalk board.

Five minutes until class officially began.

Zim scowled. He just wanted to get back to his lair and persist his plotting. And to devise a plan so great, the Almighty Tallest would be amazed by his amazingness, and they surely will praise him endlessly. Then the Mighty Zim will bask in eternal glory as earth burnt at his feet!

Zim was about to burst into a manic laughing fit, when the door beside him burst open. Ms. Bitters glided in snake like, recoiling darkly when her narrowed eyes discovered the children at the window.

"Take your seats, _now!_" She spat, saliva propelling out of her mouth and onto the desks of the students. The students obeyed the command quickly and silently. It took a moment before they achieved silence, for choruses of chairs were nosily pulled back with lingering scratchy shrieks. Dib shuddered at the uncomfortable noises and waited till everyone was settled and Ms. Bitters possessed everyone's undivided attention.

Ms. Bitter's demonic eyes were transfixed on the students for another silent moment, claiming total class supremacy with the weight of her awkward presence. Eyes were diverted away, faces turned to look in other directions…but not in _her _direction. It was as if she could see though them as if transparent, and pluck out their deepest secrets and twist and manipulate it at _her_ will. Satisfied with common results, Ms. Bitters straightened to her full lanky height.

"We have a new student to add to this miserable excuse of a class room. She will be arriving within the hour. In the meantime," Her eyes darted to a student in the middle isle. The child jumped startled, eyes widening with terror. "YOU will be sent down to the Dodge Ball Arena of Broken Limbs within the school fortress!"

As if rehearsed on a daily basis, the door next to Zim burst open **again **after Ms. Bitters announced the child's unlucky fate. Two large hulking figures clamored into the classroom. Intimidation filled the room like a poisonous gas, filling the lungs of every individual with a paralyzing horror that ripped away any existence of bravery. The two incredibly large figures stopped in front of the whimpering child. The one on the right reached out a well muscled arm and heaved the kid out of his chair. Dib felt as if he was in a state of paralysis, watching the child being dragged out of the class kicking and screaming.

The door snapped shut, cutting away the fear and the cries of the ill-fated child.

Silence re-filled the absence of the intimidation. But its binding spell still heavily cloaked the class in an engulfing snare and responsible for the lack of movement.

Unsurprisingly, Ms. Bitters was the first to recuperate.

"Wow," she announced aloud. A phantom of a smile appeared on her lips. "Those were the biggest forth grades I have ever laid eyes on."

**XxXx**

Lexie had finally gotten her erratic fears mentally lassoed and repressed to a livable amount.

The human school was great and menacing; it taunted her by its towering presence. She favored to not go inside at all and would rather franticly flee back into the comfort of somewhere damp and preferably shadowy. But the deal with The Elders clutched her conscious like a steel armored grip of unsympathetic guide lines, squeezing her into emotional goo of guilt when she stepped out of such guides.

The rain assaulted her body like a barrage of cold ammunition gifted from the clouds residing in the Troposphere. Her eyes batted away any foreign matter that did not belong to her face and a frown tugged the corners of her lips down.

_Here we go…_ Lexie thought.

_Going inside the human school full of…transports of…_

_Blood_.

A shudder ran down the length of her spine and branched out. Her hands were clenched into tiny quivering balls. Her fingernails bit into her pale flesh.

_Here…we…go…._

The tremendously skittish vampire stepped forward, ascending up the stairs on feeble legs.

This was her first test. If she couldn't face her fears now…

She wouldn't be able to face them in the future. She simply had to overcome her phobia and be a true Vampire again!

Or face an eternity living among the enemy.

With a shaky exhale, she raised a diffident hand to the door and gripped the door gingerly. The door knob turned to the right, pressure was applied and it swung open.

Lexie almost gagged at the stench.

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_Hey! Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think! _

Reviews make me write more ;)


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